I put on my smile for the world but that doesn’t mean that I’m happy. It just means that it’s a lot easier to smile than to explain what I’m hiding. But the truth is, everyone is broken. Just to different degrees. Some things you have to keep inside because they are to ugly and dark for people to know.
Notes, June 22, 2011
Tonight my life changed. I pretty sure I just lost my best friend. I tried so hard to fix it but I just couldn’t. It gets to a point when all you can do is be there for them and if they push you away, you have to remember that it was their choice because you did what you could for them. And that’s a hard lesson to learn. Sometimes you can’t fix everything, all you can do is give it your all and if it still isn’t good enough for the other person then you have to except it and let them push you away. But that’s a lot easier to type then actually do and it will take years to fully move on because having them in your life changed you, for the better but you can only be pull in so many different directions before you break. As if that wasn’t enough to go through, tonight I became a different person. Someone I never thought that I was even capable of becoming. I made a disicion tonight that will be with me and I will struggle with for the rest of my life. And after I did it, I felt numb. When it came back up, there was something that felt so right, as if the poison was leaving my body. And I know I’ll do it again, over and over even if it consumes me.
2 notes, June 22, 2011
Have you ever wanted to make something work out so badly but in the end you mess everything up? When you try and make it better but they just don’t believe you. It sucks. And you feel like they’re pushing you away by trying to pretend like they’re fine with everything when you know they aren’t. If you’re the one who’s pretending like you are totally fine with everything, stop, just stop because it’s pushing people away. Believe them for once because you know what, maybe they are telling the truth. Just let them be there for you, let them be your friend.
Notes, June 18, 2011
Taking off your clothes and having sex is easy. People do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone and letting them into your mind, thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams, and just letting them into you…. now that’s being naked. Letting yourself be vulnerable and exposed like that is the hardest thing you could ever do. Because you’re opening yourself up and allowing them to see who you really are and giving them the power to break you, and that, that’s terrifying. But if it’s the right person, it can be the most exhilarating thing life has to offer.
1 note, June 1, 2011
Have you ever realized how much someone means to you just as they are about to leave your life? It’s not that you didn’t realize what you had. It’s that you just met this person not long ago and they have managed to become a part of your life. And sometimes you have to wonder what the reason was for meeting them, and what lessons you were supposed to learn from having them in your life. And when you think about not having them in your life you get a knot in your stomach and a rush of nostalgia. Because sometimes, goodbye’s are forever.
Notes, June 1, 2011
When you’re on the road to recovery, you are on it all by yourself. Yeah, you might have people there for you along the way but they’re on the side lines cheering you on. Only you can get yourself to the finish line. No one can make you get there, all they can do is point you in the right direction.YOU have to want it. YOU have to fight through the pain. YOU have to decide to keep going. It’s long. It’s exhausting. And it’s lonely as hell.
Notes, May 30, 2011
Everyone feels empty and dark at some point. People may try to cheer you up but you just can’t see past it. Almost as if you’re drowning and you’re fighting to reach the surface but you get to a point when it feels hopeless so you stop fighting and you just give in. If you’re lucky someone will come along and pull you out. But let’s face it most of us don’t get a fairytale and you are the only one who can save yourself. And to do that you have to face the truth, did you stop fighting because it was to hard, or because you were to afraid to. Because giving in is a lot easier than fighting to get to the surface. Fighting to breathe.
Notes, May 26, 2011
Decisions are hard to make when both options seem right. Not every decision is black and white, write and wrong. A lot of them have color mixed in, making it impossible to decide. Each decision you make pieces together your life, defining who you are. It’s the difference between who you thought you could be, and who you really are.
Notes, May 25, 2011
Things change, people change, feelings change, and most importantly, you change. The person you are now is not the same person you were a year ago. We must change in order to grow and move forward. With every change comes a risk into the unknown, and this is were you will find out who you are and how much you can handle. Don’t fear chance, embrace it….because change is inevitable.
2 notes, May 23, 2011
